Narcissistic Husband

Each Day A Little More Robust: Leaving My Narcissistic Husband

Leaving My Narcissistic Husband

Written By: Brittany L

It took me seven years and three different attempts before I was able to separate myself successfully from my narcissistic husband. It has been years now, and there are still some days where I feel as trapped as I could be.

Separating myself physically was the easy part, but separating myself mentally and emotionally…well, not so easy!

It’s almost like I was thrown into a ball game that I never learned how to play, and no one will explain the rules.

Each Day A Little More Robust: Leaving My Narcissistic Husband

Narcissistic Husband
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His words still echo in my mind, and I often still see his face whenever I close my eyes. Everyone says that the pain fades eventually, and the healing comes, but that’s a day of relief that I find myself still waiting for, eagerly and desperately.

I’ve seen every side of him. He taught me what love was, and now I often find myself questioning, does that mean I don’t know what love is? I’ve been on my own for years now.

I’ve built myself up in many areas and done my best to continue with the mending process for the areas where he tore me down and ripped me apart.

The most challenging aspect is coming to terms with the fact that I still deeply, desperately love a person that does not exist. Not really.

I love the mask that he would wear when we were out in public, but I would dread going home, or that nightly second glass of whiskey, when the mask would come off and my personal mental and emotional safety were at risk.

Leaving My Narcissistic Husband

One of the hardest things about being in or having any narcissistic relationship is that they can spin everything to make you think you’re the crazy one, that there is something wrong with you.

It’s tough to break free from that thought process. The longer you have the narcissist in your life, the harder that the healing process becomes.

I find that I still base some of my decisions on what I know he would say, and I always do things I know that he would want me to do because even when he’s gone, he’s not entirely gone.

Not really. Not yet.

But I see myself every day getting a little more robust, a little bit more stable, and thinking a little more clearly.

With my therapist’s help, I have been able to learn a lot about recognizing red flags, love bombing, gaslighting, and what healthy boundaries are.

I’ve been able to put a lot of various self-love particles in place. I started meditating and taking time for myself every day to help me focus my mind and stay grounded in the present.

Meditation and deep breathing help me tremendously. I know that this healing process won’t be easy, but I’m determined to make it happen.

Every day I work on shifting my thought processes to focus only on the positive in my life, and every day I’m gifted with a new wave of healing. I’m confident that through hard work, I’ll be completely healed from this experience.

Need Support?

Check out “The Top 10 Largest Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Groups

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