How To Hurt A Narcissist Without Being Evil About It

Learning how to hurt a narcissist after all the bad stuff they put us through can feel like we have somehow vindicated ourselves.

Narcissistic people are a headcase to deal with. They work so hard to destroy our lives for the sole reason because they think they can. 

Our pain, our suffering, our failure, and our sorrow is like honey to them; it is sweet. 

Wanting to hurt a narcissist after all the crap they put us through is not unusual. 

We are human beings, after all, and the desire to want to get justice for the time, the life, the love, and the person we were feels like vindication.

Understand this, the way you would think to hurt a narcissist, such as attacking them, getting others to fight them, or trying and humiliating them, is what they want.

They love drama and chaos. To these people, as long as they have attention, they are doing something right even if the attention is bad. 

And this way of thinking and understanding that they think this way is how you will learn how to hurt the narcissist without being a bad guy. 

In this article, I will explain how you can hurt the narcissists and what are the best ways to hurt the narcissist and great ways for you to heal. 

You must drill this into your head that the narcissist NEEDS drama and conflict in their lives

Much like we need peace and order, they need the opposite. 

Disclaimer: This article includes affiliate links!

How To Hurt A Narcissist Without Being Evil About It

Method 1 – Indifference: Grey Rock The Hell Out Of Them

How To Hurt A Narcissist

If my time with narcissists has shown me anything, is this, they need a reaction from people.

Getting a reaction out of people makes these people feel like they control others’ lives and feelings.

To them, how they feel like they are adequate, important, or superior to others is by controlling others’ feelings.

This is why a person who is indifferent to them is so unbearable to be around.

Being indifferent is the grey rock method.

It is depriving them of any energy, or any emotion, or any life force.

These people are like vampires or parasites.

If they have nothing around them to satiate their needs, they will shrivel up and perish.

And this is not hyperbolic!

When they have no one to hurt anymore or use anymore, these people usually collapse in on themselves.

They are living embodiment of sheer chaos and destruction.

When they have no one to hurt anymore, they end up hurting themselves.

And they do this by:

  • Drinking themselves silly
  • Getting into fights
  • Using illegal drugs
  • Engaging in unsafe sex
  • Reckless driving
  • Some will even commit…you know (I have heard the stories of them doing this because the person they wanted to destroy got away from them)
  • And much more

Indifference is one hell of a power, and it is essential to learn how to detach yourself from these people.

Check out this article, “10 Ways to Detach Yourself From The Narcissist,” to learn some practical ways to become cold and distant from narcissists.

“The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference.”

― Wilhelm Stekel

Method # 2 – Do Not Hate Them

How To Hurt A Narcissist

To piggyback off of the last entry, indifference, the lack of feeling towards these energy vampires will profoundly impact their lives.

It is essential to know that narcissists view people hating them as people admiring them.

If someone is jealous of them, that means that they are someone worth being like.

This is the twisted mindset of these nutjobs.

They are emotionally ignorant people and have zero understanding of how the world works as a mature and rational adult.

When you hate a narcissist and seek revenge, what you say to them is that “You hurt me, and you are all I think about now. I want revenge because you beat me, and I can’t stand it.”

These people are not playing with a full deck.

When you do not hate them, what you say to them is that “you are insignificant to me, and what you say, do and think of me does not matter.”

This is a massive slap in the face to a person who feeds off of hatred from others.

Hatred is not unlike love.

Hatred and love light up the same areas of the brain.

It may be more complicated than that. The putamen gets engaged when people are in love, but it also activates when people feel contempt or disgust.

Here’s What Your Brain Is Doing When You Really, Really Hate Someone

This is why when you love someone, all you do is think about them and when you hate someone, all you do is think about them.

Love and hatred are not too dissimilar.

When a narcissist cannot stay in your heart, they will want to stay in your mind.

And you know what you should stop renting out space in your mind to unfit people for FREE.

To not be hated means, to a narcissist, that you do not love them or acknowledge the existence, which crushes them on a massive level.

Method # 3 – No Contact

How To Hurt A Narcissist

Narcissistic people are addicts.

And we are their drug.

When a drug addict goes to rehab and goes cold turkey from the drug they are using, they go through a pain spell.

They go through excruciating pain because their bodies have gotten used to that drug they have had access to for so long.

Your brain becomes accustomed to addictive drugs, such as opioids. When you cut off its supply too quickly, you can develop seizures, irregular heart rhythms, and other withdrawal symptoms. Some of these symptoms can be serious or even life-threatening.

Is It Safe to Quit Substances Cold Turkey? Here’s What to Consider

No Contact is the equivalent of cold turkey for the narcissists, and the worst thing for THEM is that this is out of their hands.

They did not consent to us just up and leaving them.

And when we are all these nutjobs have, and they have no other supply on the side waiting for them, they go through severe bouts of pain.

Hence, again, why many of them drink, use drugs, and have unsafe sex.

They are looking for anything and everything to try and fill that empty void inside of them.

Taking yourself away from them and then staying away from them hurts them on a massive level.

When they have no one to worry about their worthlessness, no contact will drive these people to do something irreversible.

I am not championing what they do, but I also do not pity them because they have no sympathy or empathy for anyone else.

“We do not need to have sympathy for people who have no empathy.”

Method # 4 – Ghost Them

How To Hurt A Narcissist

Now, ghosting them should fall in tandem with No Contact. When you go No Contact, you must also ghost the hell out of them.

And by this, what I mean is that you MUST:

  • Get off of social media (Change accounts if you must)
  • Change your phone number
  • Change cities or states
  • Remove all videos, photos, or messages of them from your life
  • Cut all ties with their friends (i.e., their flying monkeys)

You must become like a rogue agent; get off of their grid.

This will drive them insane because these people have a one-tracked mind.

If you are all they think about, then know that is all they think about, and not knowing what you are doing, who you are seeing, how much better your life is without them in it will drive them batsh*t insane.

Ghosting them is not only about you becoming a rogue agent but also about you making them ghost.

It is as if you had off’d them, or better yet, Thanos Snapped them out of existence.

Ah! This is easily one of my favorite methods.

Method # 5 – Be Happy. Be Successful. Be You.

How To Hurt A Narcissist

“Massive success is the best revenge.” – Frank Sinatra

Nothing hurts a narcissist more than your success, gaining your success after leaving them, and not seeking to fix the broken relationship.

It is a clear sign to them that they were the issue, NOT YOU

These people work so hard to plant the seeds of doubt in people because it is their only way of keeping them rooted in their worthless garden they call life. 

(Like the wordplay there?)

These people have a scarcity mindset.

If you are happy, that means they must, by proxy, be unhappy. 

If you are successful, that means they are a failure. 

And if you are you, they are them, and they do not like who they are. 

Be happy. 

I know it is easier said than done, but know that you being happy and living your best life despite all the crap they put you through will hurt these clowns on a massive level. 

It shows them how worthless they are and for a person who needs to feel like they matter, just walking away from them and becoming a better version of yourself because of leaving them will hurt the narcissist on a massive level. 

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  1. Tiffany says:

    Thank you so very much for this !!

    1. So glad it was able to help! ❤️

  2. Jim Corriere says:

    Thank you for you writing and for your understanding of narcissism. I had a girlfriend who three months ago blocked me on all of her social medias and her phone, etc. I couldn’t understand why, after such a minor discussion we had about the past election. Then I discovered what narcissism is and how it is enacted upon individuals. My former girlfriend, an attorney, did all of the typical narcissistic actions, the love bombing, idolizing, future faking, etc. I fell in love with her façade and when she discarded me I was devastated. But, in the past three months I had not made a single attempt to contact her. I, too, am a well educated and wealthy man and I was offering her everything that I could to have her as my partner. I still hurt today but I won’t pursue any person in life who doesn’t want me.

    1. Absolutely! We gain nothing by trying to get them to love us, because they never will.

      You are doing the right thing, I knwo it can be tough in the beginning but it will become easier eventually.

  3. It’s so hard
    My 24 year old daughter finally came out she’s a narcissist and I am devastated. How does a mom walk away

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